Personal Journey
I do not want to live as you want. I crave much more, both out of myself and out of life. I require autonomy and agency over myself and my life. I have no issue with working and dedicating myself to a life, as long as it’s a life I want. I don’t ever want to be forced into a position where I have no choice. I understand that is a privileged position, but if I have it in me and I can achieve it, then why not? Why would I ever sit still and give in to an unadventurous life, one where I take no leaps or risks? To say I don’t want a simple life is not true; what I seek is a simple life, but one born out of my own mind.
If everything worked out and magically landed as I wish, I probably would be unsettled still, but that would be great. However, life has not at all proceeded as such, and the path provided for us all is one of indentured, mindless slavery. I do not want that path; I want my own. I do not care for throwing away a part of my life simply because it’s the norm. I want my freedom, and I couldn’t care less if you care less about your own. Am I selfish for it? Of course. I want my life, and I’m completely okay with working for it, for struggling through the lostness and the unknowns. Because without that, nothing matters. Everything will be empty. I’d rather try for the journey than give up and sit aside.
It may not be a big deal to you, but it is to me, because without this journey of mine, I will not have truly lived. Even if it ends up in what all others call failure, it will not be one for me. For the whole purpose of it all is the journey itself. Like life, it is all about the journey, the experiences, the time spent chasing after whatever you feel. Your heart, soul, and body, living as truly as can be. That is what it is all about. To live like you would be to give up large parts of myself; to never truly live at all. And for what? For comfort, safety, numbness, and the satisfaction of fear. I couldn’t care less for all those if they request the death of my soul. Perhaps none of you have a soul. Perhaps your legs are too nimble; all you can do is fall down and pray, submitting to your passive fate. Whatever happens to me, as long as I’m pursuing my personal journey, I’ll be fine.
Because that is what it’s all about.
Lately, I’ve been coming to the view that it should not be about the outcome. We live and pursue for the sake of it as is, not for some perceived, expected outcome. That is how we welcome failure and disappointment. Find and enjoy your process. Be and do the best you can. Become your full, authentic self. Live purely, truly, and presently in this wonderful world. Romanticize your life; it can be as magical as you wish.
Everything around you may tell you no, but never forget: we are the makers of our own lives.