Gah Damn It
I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it. That’s bullshit; I don’t know what that was. Random sentences, random words. Goddamn AI. Maybe I don’t want to progress. Maybe I’m fine with things the way they are. Why are you always trying for more? Jesus Christ, let me live gah damn it.
Maybe that’s why we always chase for more: we are products of the system, behaving as it wishes and wants. A collective whole. There’s got to be some group pushing for it: the benefactors and beneficiaries, if those are words. Or maybe our collective madness leads us there. Maybe not all of ours, but a few powerful few. Surely seems like it. And maybe that madness is what drove them to the power, and the power drove them to the madness. You’ve got to be a little mad to seek such wealth, right? Or do we all, deep down, want it as well? I think there’s some truth to that. And maybe the ones who’ve achieved it were somehow better predisposed for it, whether environmentally, genetically, or both. Maybe we all crave it, but only a very few grabbed it.
Then they shaped the world as they pleased, into whatever hellhole it is now. Maybe it’s not that bad of a hellhole; maybe it’s me. But I’m a product of it, so maybe not. Maybe I’m an outlier. We’re all fine, right? Hmm…
I may be an outlier, but…
But then I got distracted and lost my thought. Let’s continue whatever comes next. I’m trying to go back. Maybe I’m an outlier but somehow that must be connected? Maybe I am an outlier and it doesn’t count. But whatever it is, I know I’m not the only one.
This system isn’t meant for us. I don’t like calling it a “system”; it makes it too abstract. I must ground it to the reality we live. It’s a way of living, a way of being human, a way of spending your one and only life. All packaged in a nice pamphlet telling you how to live and who to be, what to say and what to think. It’s very subtle; you don’t realize or question it, but it slowly becomes you. And then you persist.
It gets passed down generation by generation, slowly being crafted into a different version. It is an evolution of societies, cultures, and ways of life. Catastrophic events occur to change it. Yet it never fully disappears or becomes foreign. It can be killed and replaced, but doing so requires thorough eradication; otherwise, it will stay and slowly grow, or slowly die. It is a life of its own. It is a way of life. There are many, many ways, but not many that can be ascribed to you; some not at all.
We are all given a default way of life; some not given, but forced. Maybe most are forced in silent ways. And we become it; that is our life. To get to the point: what is this life, and why? Why were we given this life? Why were we shown this path? Told to walk down it like us all? For conformity? Safety, comfort, the known versus the unknown? I think we’re cattle.
Society grew with the expansion of farms and organized groups. The larger you can become while maintaining supply and food, the more powerful you become. It was all a battle of evolving societies, leaving us with the one we have now. This has become the winner, but there are still various others out there. Some can’t compete at all and have no hope, lest a bomb wastes us all. Even though one has crowned itself top, it is still evolving and changing and can face catastrophe. It can always change and topple over. There will always be change through generations, provoked by fresh minds frustrated with old inefficiencies. To progress, we must get better than before, heal what needs to be healed, and run in jumping.
I loves you.