I Expect Too Much
I’ve realized that I expect too much: too much reciprocity. And I always knew better. Therefore, I should trust my gut more. Treat them as deserved. Go as deep as they can swim. Expecting more from shallow is a fool’s game; adaptability is the call. If someone cannot meet you at your depth, then it is foolish to take them there and expect them to. They’ll only go as far as they can.
It’s all a learning experience and practice. Why do I even care for it at all? I guess to experience the same life and perspectives with someone else; that would be a rewarding feel, no? Probably something along those lines. Then it becomes disappointing when they don’t share the same and make no attempt. Instead, they see you as the mistake because you don’t share their reality. Even worse when it turns to mockery and arrogance. Oh well.
It’s all a great bunch of learning though: pretty much evolving myself as I learn to deal with the multitude of realities around. Some people can do this and others can do that; some will go far while others won’t even budge. No value in pushing a mountain that does not want to move. Especially no value in expecting it to move when it gives no promise of it. Life is life; take it as is.
Perhaps I simply wanted everything from what little I have. It would be easier that way, rather than having to find it elsewhere. But you can’t get everything from one or a few things. We must gather it all from all over and far, and even then we might not get it all. Some people will satisfy some parts of you and others other parts. Expecting one person to satisfy it all is foolish, unless they are you yourself.
Each one of us is a partial mirror to the other. If we are not a mirror, then we provide no reflection; and rarely do we find an exact mirror. Perhaps that is what we all search for as soulmates: a true mirror. But our mirrors constantly change, shift, and angle all over the place throughout our lives.
Our mirrors grow, shape, and mold through our experiences, teachings, and learnings. It would be quite hard to find a mutual mirror who has lived and grown as you, if you have grown and lived quite differently. Our inner mirror, molded by the outer world. A distant, lone mirror: unseen nor matched by any other. Perhaps there is one out there who can reflect a similar reality. Perhaps your mirror itself can be tuned to angle others. But how empty it would be if others cannot also see yours.
Witness my reality through yours; let us dive deep into the known: what you know in me and what I in you. And the unknown, angling our mirrors slowly towards each other. Let us become more alike, seeing every angle and depth shone right back. We all want to be seen, heard, and felt. It can only be possible with a mirror reflecting back: someone who truly sees and feels your perspective. It is like a mind that shares your reality. It is beautiful.